Thursday, April 1, 2010


The weather changes here as fast as my kids moods. You wonder how you can be a super great parent when the children you are parenting are growing and changing and testing and exploring their limits all day long.

Raising Successful childen does not happen by accident. Most parenting decisions are made on the spur of the moment and motivated by emotional extremes.Trial and Error Parenting.......CHAOS !!! Reading this blog, a good approach !

Establishing boundaries:

"A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone"....Billy Graham.

"Think about it Rules to children are like weights to a lifter or distance to a runner. They MUST BE HARD for the kids in order to have utility and build strength . Now that doesn't mean draconian as you have shown its simply that depending on the kids personality even the simplest rules like "brush your teeth" can face constant rebellion"... Family Friend Frank Marcado

"Model for your children how to take control of personal boundaries. "I am going to read a book for an hour, need anything before I start?" A good statement to model personal boundaries ! Teach them to model for themselves.

"I see your on your _______(electronic game,computer,gaming system)? What are you playing?( Show interest?) (When will you be off?) Show that there isnt endless hours that can do by. There is a start and a finish !

REMEMBER to ask your child how they did before that time period is up. Try to know the game they are playing.

Just like I give a 10 minute reminder when we are about to leave the house, I give a SAVE reminder when its the designated time they stated they would stop playing. I remind them STRONGLY.

I remind them by enpowering them that THEY stated they would be playing for an hour, the hour is almost over and we have been waiting to....... or if there is nothing waiting you can just say that you recognize how nicely they are managing their electronics time and as long as they continue to set their own successful boundaries, you certainly wont have to do it for them

Be a supermom and continue by adding you appreciate how this is going to be a trait that you see them being very successful as adults, managing their time.

In our house, there is an 8pm rule. no electronics before 8am or after 8pm. This rule is fought nightly:

"We are on vacation"
"I have been out all day and havent played at all"
"Let me show you something....I want to share with you somethin funny on utube!"

We are wooed every which way to alter this rule, but we DO NOT ! I have even chosen to be off the computer after 8pm (until they are alseep) in order to model.

I find that as the children get older and want to be viewed as THEIR OWN individuals we break down the relationship by announcing IM THE PARENT. Thats why I can be on the computer after 8pm. Doesnt work !

Trust me, this approach may work with your 4 and 5 and 8 year old, but it does not build relationships that you want to move forward in with your older children !

So whether your kids have their own computers, gameboys, playstations, or you are getting ready to enter that arena, Setting Boundaries, Having respect for them, and allowing them to manage their time are all important lessons that can be learned here !

1 comment:

Christopher said...

Interesting techniques here. I'm only a college student, not yet a father, but reading through this blog has really opened my eyes to the depth of parenting. It really seems a world apart, but of course, a world very much worth traveling to! Oh, and I love that bit about making an effort to know the game they are playing. I grew up on video games, it reminds me of my own mother sitting with me and asking about them.

A question for you: as a child growing up, I spent much of my time around electronics in what seems the same way as your children. I wonder after reading this about the idea of offering time on electronics in a reward system (example: child completes homework early, gets a good grade in class, or completes chores without needing a reminder, so you offer video game time as a reward). What are you thoughts on this? Do you think something like this could be used alongside your 8pm rule? Certainly there is an argument to be made that different techniques will yield different results, some working better than others. Just wondering what you think.

Also, did you always have that 8pm rule or did you implement it along the way, finding that it worked well?