Saturday, July 31, 2010

On Tennis

I want all my kids to come to the Tennis Court. I want them to all play tennis. Why do I want them to play tennis, because I enjoy it so much, because it makes me feel good to share these feelings of joy with them while we are playing on courts side by side.

It is important to realize that there is something lost in the race to get to the tennis court with every one ready......

I suggest trying the statergy of letting the children make their own choice in wanting to be part of the great ENERGY and LOVE that I feel when I play tennis
that they can share in around me.

I went the other day alone to the tennis court, the ipod was playing in house (so the kids also knew I was not playing tennis with my IPOD and therefore more open to see them!)

I started on my court, and the two courts next to me were empty, instructors wondering if they would be giving a lesson or not.....and then they all came
thru the gates. All happy, all in the best of spirits.

Here,I can truly share Tennis with my children. At the end of this hour we leave
and continue to share the sport together.....I want to play with each of them
as an activity we do together. That is my ultimate goal. To show them there are other relationships that they can have with their mother....that are not caretaker and are not friend, tennis partners.

Ill take that one !

What can you show your child will be a relationship you can share with them
that you can work on ?

Friday, July 30, 2010

on sibling fighting

With six children there are so many dymanics within the group, and they shift and change. Now we have the oldest boy 13 and the fourth boy 9, engaged.

For me, it hurts so deeply, when I see my children hurt eachother. And that makes it more of a challenge to control my impulses, to teach them to control theirs.

Its so easy to spit out poison through punishments...come roaring into the rooom
reacting to the anger that is between them.

I bring the 9 year old into my bed at night and tell him that I am sorry. I tell him this is not ok for him to be hurt by his brother and I will protect him and make this stop.

I wait for the morning when I hear the oldest child dressed and ready to ride his bike to golf approach him then.

I tell him I understand that he ;hates; his brother, and that that is his feeling and I can not take that away from him.

I tell him that its ok to have feelings like that, but its the ability to control your impulses, and how you manage your feelings that is going to allow you to mature.

I tell him that there are rules in this house and rules in life.....u get no power over controlling others younger than you, u get power and strength when you know you can control yourself.

So what are your outlets, what do you need from me to help you with this.....because
you have not seen your computer since June, so I am not going to try to threaten
anything anymore.....

I tell him when he comes home from Golf I need to hear from him.

I tell that I dont want him to leave our vacation, but if he can not control his
anger I will make arrangements for him to return to New York with his father and work in the auto body shop (on our block in the city) cleaning wage...

Thursday, July 29, 2010

On Energy

Where do u get your energy ?
Pots of coffee, and lots of sleep, good sleep, early to bed with my kids.

Sometimes its just easier to go to bed when your kids are going to completely cuts down on
The amount of times they get out of bed and into your room for one reason or another.

Another way I get my energy is to make sure I get the most out of my down time. This is the time when the kids can be own their own, in the house, safe and playing with eachother, by themselves or with their summer house guests.
(In school )

I get energy to continually go back into the mix with the joy that comes from being ready and really wanting to be there !

I get the energy when I create moments, memories, and have chances to exchange good feelings with eachother.

I get energy when I can spend my days in the relationships I want to be in !

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

On Teenagers

What makes a 13 year old boy, walk 8 miles home from the golf course?

The new guy who drives the shuttle had wrongly advised him when he went to board
After playing 7 hours of golf in the georgia sun that
Cottage guests can not ride the shuttle, only hotel room guests.

13, Five feet, nine inches, one hundred and 20 pounds, enrolled in jr member golf academy at a five star golf resort....who has been playing golf there for 5 years... accepts this statement as the final word....and walks home!

Now even when we, the parents,follow up, gently inform the transportation department of their error, and even when we make sure that all drivers are being properly tipped ( since the kids haven't carried money)
The 13 year old continues to ride his bike the 8 miles each way to the golf course....his brother takes the shuttle.

Is this the only way he can find independance? So I nether support or deny him this need. He rides is bike to his golf camp and back and that's what he does.

"Whatever u decide is fine with me"

Its hard as a parent not to continue to tell my son how ridiculous it is to have someone else effect his life ... That these are the obstacles he will face ......but I too must grow and understand that guidance must be paired with sensitivity and understanding of my sons struggle towards independence.

Next time I won't call the transportation department
Or over tip the drivers
I will make the suggestion for him to do those things

And help him to see a mistake
Doesn't have to mean a confrontation, just a correction

People communicate in many
Different ways as adults.

Even if u haven't seen by experience yet, you can create your own experiences
And draw strength !

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

On Camp

I was about to press the button on my computer to purchase the delta airlines
UNACCOMPANIED MINOR ticket for my twelve year old to travel from Savannah, Georgia to Spartanburg, North Carolina for his two week summer camp experience.

He would have been met at the gate by the camp and brought safely to opening day !

When your twelve year old says to you "Mom, I really would like you to take me to camp", whether you have one child or six children, you go !

How are my children suppose to respect and understand what is important to me if I dont respect and respond to what is important to them.

So at 4:00pm we left and arrived at the Comfort Inn, closest to camp, at 10:30pm
after renting a convertible that had sirrus radio and listening to POP/RAP most of the way ! A stop for McDonalds and two for gas (which he pumped as I was glued
literally to the leather seats !)

and there I was, in a car lineup for Opening Day! I was a proud parent about to tuck my child away in the safety of these Carolina Woods !

As we walked towards the main lake, a noticed a sign above the cantena. I snuck over to deposit some money for the 12 year old and bought the LOGO SHORTS of the camp. I grabbed a sharpie (as any mom would do) and wrote his name on the label. I hurried up to catch up with him as he was walking towards the woods. I showed him the shorts, he didnt want them, gave him a big hug and watched him walk to the cabins on his own ! he looked back and so did I!

....What he didnt see was me hang the mess logo camp shorts with his name on them up the IROQUIS flagpole !

I hope he laughs when someone takes down the shorts and he finds out they are his!

By the way....he flies home unaccompanied minor!

Monday, July 26, 2010

on Summer

Hello again from Mommy Wommy ! At first I was unable to write as we were trapped in the luxuries of summer in a tent aside the Blackfoot River in Montana.

PAWS UP Resort in Rivercamp tent accommodations is an amazing experience where the campsite is the downtime activity, while you are escorted away during the mornings to engage in

*Painting the white horses
*A Cattle Drive
*ATV along the sage frosted mountains
*Mountain biking to a ghost town (downhill the whole way)
and a whole lot more

The tents were permanent structures and with our large crowd
they even had seperate bedrooms to fit us! The mornings were graced by the beauty
of gods creations in this big sky country....and by "HAL" who was waiting outside my tent with a hot cup of coffee in the mornings ....letting us know breakfast was

Now here settled in Sea Island, Georgia where we spend a prim and proper southern ^ six weeks, in a seaside cottage, I return to my computer, to my blog, with new ammunition, renewed life force after downloading and skimming through about 100 books on my kindle and after being in the closest of quarters with my six children at various stages of their lifes.

We update the ages moving forward to read like this

13 12 10 9 6 4

Are you being the best mom you can be, read on for great summer tips as we return to the dailing postings!