Saturday, September 4, 2010

On Responses

One of the greatest lessons I have been learning this week, away from my
children is how to respond better to their sibling squabbling.

I can not react when I am away
I have no reason to change
All the good feelings I have in my moment, when the phone rings
Into my experience and there is one child complaining about the other child
invading their space somehow !

I see clearly how if I were in that room my emotions would attach themselves to
the feelings of my children and my responses would be more reactions to
that....and not responding to the source of the problem or the source of the
needs of my children

That's why they are behaving that way. There is something that needs to be worked out. It will keep occuring until I really help here.

And I am here as their teacher and mother- guide to help them in this moment

And find out how I can really help them.....because it usually is not by
punishing their sibling....its usually by empowering them to feel more
Confident or powerful to deal with their own situations.

Today it might be that they are ok while I am away, they need to take more control of their own personal space and walk away from conflicts that your siblings want to

That conflict is also how your sibling is feeling.

Now some children are born with strong empathy for must plant these
seeds all the time and you teach compasion.

I know, as a mother with so many children, it is hard to consider this type of thinking when you are driving the car home from a long trip and your children are fighting in the back of the car.

You want it to stop
So do they !

If you practice this type of thinking every time you RESPOND or REACT to your children, the times when you are in car and their is fighting in the will come to you easier to insert a conversation between you and them that might actually last the whole rest of the ride home !

Thursday, September 2, 2010

on Being Alone

What? Being Alone with Six Children , A husband, A house that has a doorbell ringing non stop, a 65 pound dog, two fish, ?

Its strange how the only memories in the last 15 years I have of being alone, I mean truly alone,are those in the hospital....the nights I was in the recovery unit, after each of my six C-Sections, where the lights stayed on 24 hours, and I would lay there, in the mid hours of the morning/night....alone....well even then I had my newborn angels by my side.....but I was with myself!

Now, in a taxi, leaving Pheonix Airport, heading to the Ranch in Tuscon, I am completely alone and preparing for my days away. I check my blackberry and make sure that all the kids are arriving safely at their god parents houses, between Conneticut and the Hamptons. They all head out seperately, (the four and the six yer old together), They too, will be on their own, without their parents or siblings.

I am once again grateful for the love that is all around me. The most wonderful friends who support this effort and allow me this chance to re charge my batteries and look quietly inward and prepare for the 2010-2011 school year to begin!
I will be thankful all year to them for being there for me!

Everyone needs to take a moement alone, as a busy mom, and redefine how this year is going to be better than the last year. If something is not growing, what is it doing?

My goals here include:

*Redefine my lifes purpose which is to share love with my children and husband, to be grateful for what I have and to contribute to this world. I want to take these postings and publish a book, not a reality show, offer the compasion I have for super mothers and fathers and friends, like you, and share my insights to help motivate people!

*Take the time to understand if my husbands basic needs are being met in our relationship and see what I can do to make sure he feels like he is the most important priority to hard as that sounds with the six priorities we have together!

*Finish all the Bain De Soil Organge Gel SPF #4 tubes I brought with me, do every exercise Class, take every Shamanoc Joourney I can and read every book left unfinished on my Kindle

....before I return home in a week !

%%%%%% The phone rings, I hear screanms, I hear crying, some one does not want to do what the instructions on the board said they "HAD TO DO."

Everyone is really handling their feelings and fears at their own age
appropriate levels. I can not control things completely any longer, I need
them to feel some control,and as I am away, and they are getting ready to leave too (for their godparents houses),it is a safe chance for then to take
control , be responsible, make decisions they can be successful in !

"You dont have to go, I tell the ten year old, to see the Lizards and Snakes Exibit at the Museum of Natural History today if you dont want to, but I hope you choose to go to Times Square tommorow and see the King Tut Exibit?..

I tell them I love them and I promise to bring home a nerf gun for my 4 year old !

and I hang up and begin my day !