Friday, July 30, 2010

on sibling fighting

With six children there are so many dymanics within the group, and they shift and change. Now we have the oldest boy 13 and the fourth boy 9, engaged.

For me, it hurts so deeply, when I see my children hurt eachother. And that makes it more of a challenge to control my impulses, to teach them to control theirs.

Its so easy to spit out poison through punishments...come roaring into the rooom
reacting to the anger that is between them.

I bring the 9 year old into my bed at night and tell him that I am sorry. I tell him this is not ok for him to be hurt by his brother and I will protect him and make this stop.

I wait for the morning when I hear the oldest child dressed and ready to ride his bike to golf approach him then.

I tell him I understand that he ;hates; his brother, and that that is his feeling and I can not take that away from him.

I tell him that its ok to have feelings like that, but its the ability to control your impulses, and how you manage your feelings that is going to allow you to mature.

I tell him that there are rules in this house and rules in life.....u get no power over controlling others younger than you, u get power and strength when you know you can control yourself.

So what are your outlets, what do you need from me to help you with this.....because
you have not seen your computer since June, so I am not going to try to threaten
anything anymore.....

I tell him when he comes home from Golf I need to hear from him.

I tell that I dont want him to leave our vacation, but if he can not control his
anger I will make arrangements for him to return to New York with his father and work in the auto body shop (on our block in the city) cleaning wage...

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