You are so wonderful, I love you so much, and you are amazing! Well they are, OUR CHILDREN, but does constant praise means constant assessment.
Are our words putting our children in a position where they are waiting for their praise for everything and anything that they do. And what about when they don’t do something so well, is it the constant praise that they are used to hearing, and not there…..cause to hear the pain and frustration in your silence that they are already feeling.
My oldest child, I believe he hears any praise as condesending at this stage of life. In the background he wants to know that you love him, and he is capable in your eyes.
In the background he needs to hear the values you have, those he cannot push the limits outside of, but when we adheres to these as Rules, and you praise him for such, its condescending to him !
My youngest child says “I'm not going to give you any love unless……..” Now you might respond poorly to such a threat but this threat is all he has to offer up. Usually I say I was going to do that for you anyway and I hope that you don’t hold back your love for what I do and don’t do! I won’t hold back my love for you if you do or don’t do.
Sometimes my middle children roll their eyes as I praise something they are singing, their voices, how they know all the words, their memorizing…. I make sure they know I appreciate that I am different from them and I can never memorize all those words the right way they do. That’s why when I sing the songs the words are always all wrong. I am different from them, Others are different from them, and that’s good too!
Batch your praises for when they can build the most confidences!