Monday, February 15, 2010

The class your child does not want to go to

A couple of parents have asked me recently what do you do when you
sign up your child to a class and when it comes time for that class your
child does not want to attend.

There are many senerios to this same question, whether its a one day
mini camp or its a longer commitment to a organization, a team or a program.

This morning my four year old did not want to attend his SUPER SOCCER STARS
morning mini camp.

I said to him " I hear that you are saying that you dont want to go to SUPER SOCCER
STARS today but I dont hear why you are saying that. Why is or equals " what are you feelings
that is making you say you dont want to go"

(Being agry that he has a feeling is not a good response though it is so natural for most
mothers to just feel angry that their child doesnt want to comply to the program)

I immediately take out the itinerary of what activities they will be doing and review them
to help my FOUR ( remember he is 4 ) Year old.

I read about the snack time and the snacks they will have, and i say
"OH it must be that you dont like the snack, is that why?"
and he says, no I like those snacks

"Oh I say it must be the dancing before dismissal you dont like, is that why?
and he says no I like the dancing
(notice also how I jump right to something he already knows is before dismissal
to make it seem like the program we are talking about is shorter in time then he might think when he remembers the snack and dismissal part)

I stop there, thats enough chances for us both to hear there is a chance that he
can have a good time.

Then I continue to say that he is filled up with love from his mommy and daddy and
we feel this is a good program for you to have fun in or we would not have picked it
together last week !

Sometimes he will have things he doesnt want to do on his schedule and I share with
him how that happens to me too sometimes.

I kiss him into his soccer program after I walk him over in his stroller and I tell him
how proud I am of him giving today a new chance !

NOW it doesnt always work this way.............................................. Heres what happened with my
10 year old who committed to a weekend basketball team.

After agreeing to sign up for a weekend basketball team, he realized that his basketball game times were between 9am and 11am on Saturday Morning. This was the first problem for the child but I helped out by making the commitment to go to EVERY SATURDAY game with him and stay and watch however early it started.

Then he went to about three or four weeks worth of games and not knowing anyone on his team
and not having any practices with his team mates, he felt completely left out of the basketball
games because he wasnt exactly sure how he was going to get the ball, who was going to pass it to him, and what exactly he should do with it when he got it.

He expressed his desire to learn how to play the game but not be forced into these saturday games he didnt like.

He wrote a letter to his coach explaining that he needed to resign from the team and shared
his real feelings why.

He had to use his money/point chart points to pay back the family for the remaining registration fee from the program and

He agreed to join a Basketball program where he can learn the sport that he really wants to play well !!!

As soon as my 13 year old agrees to let me share the story of FOOTBALL, This blog will be on the way to a book !!!

Good luck and comment !

1 comment:

cori said...

I like the part where you ask the 4 year old why he didn’t want to go to his Super Soccer Stars rather than just assume the child is being impolite.
Children should be ask often what they want to do and what’s going on in their mind rather than assume they're being stubborn.
Children should be given a choice and a reason why they should or shouldn't play on a certain activity. Once they see how much fun it may be, they’ll eventually come around to do the activity.