On Releasing Control
The hardest thing to do as a mother is release control. Its not only the control you have on the freedoms you give your children, it’s the control you have on what you want to do…..with them.
Relationships offer so much to you, but we all know that relationships involve giving as well as receiving and the ultimate gift you can give to your children is releasing control!
I am trying this simple exercise this morning! I want to go to the Lex coffee shop for breakfast with one child. Its sweet, fast and easy for a nice morning breakfast.
This same child wants to go to a diner which takes forever to receive your food. I really don’t want to go there……but I'm getting up now and I'm going to take him there.
Be a supermom today
Showing posts with label on Choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label on Choices. Show all posts
Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
On Impulse Control
On Impulse Control
I sent all my old videotapes to Home Depot Video (see On Creating Memories) and got back 20 discs. It’s amazing seeing the children so young, and it’s amazing what a terrible video photographer I was! When the thirteen year old came in to see himself performing a music video at the age of six, he was devastated. “Will anyone else be seeing this? Wait…it’s enough that my brothers are seeing this!” He demanded that I hand over the disc. I calmly explained how I understand seeing this today might be embarrassing for him, but these memories will serve their purpose not only for today but for the future, too. Maybe I should not have went on to explain how I would make sure to play this at his wedding video as this didn’t help the situation - but we all need to have some humor in parenting!
My son grabbed the box of tapes and ran to the guest room with them. I did not chase him. He came back and demanded the tape that was playing in exchange for the entire box. I told him that while I was ready to listen to the rules he wanted me to apply to the tapes, they were not his property to negotiate with. He scratched two of the discs and returned the rest and ran off extremely upset that he had no control over the situation.
I took a deep breath and realized I could continue several ways. I knew how easy it would be to replace the discs, and I thought about how hard it is to recover from these confrontations and to use them as lessons to learn from. I decided to take the highroad, and tell him that this was a major step he had taken on the road of maturity. I told him I knew that he could have ruined all the tapes but he controlled his impulses and returned the box undamaged. I told him that it took a lot of strength to reach inside himself and realize that what he was doing was wrong after having scratched two, which made him stop. He had put into action his own understanding of right and wrong, and I was proud of him.
Of course, he will replace the two discs that he scratched. He will go to the post office and mail them off and the money to pay for them will come off his point chart (see On Money). He also agreed to videotape a picnic we are having tonight to create a new memory, as that’s what I normally do - and he doesn’t even have to be in it !
Good luck teaching impulse control by controlling your own impulses!
I sent all my old videotapes to Home Depot Video (see On Creating Memories) and got back 20 discs. It’s amazing seeing the children so young, and it’s amazing what a terrible video photographer I was! When the thirteen year old came in to see himself performing a music video at the age of six, he was devastated. “Will anyone else be seeing this? Wait…it’s enough that my brothers are seeing this!” He demanded that I hand over the disc. I calmly explained how I understand seeing this today might be embarrassing for him, but these memories will serve their purpose not only for today but for the future, too. Maybe I should not have went on to explain how I would make sure to play this at his wedding video as this didn’t help the situation - but we all need to have some humor in parenting!
My son grabbed the box of tapes and ran to the guest room with them. I did not chase him. He came back and demanded the tape that was playing in exchange for the entire box. I told him that while I was ready to listen to the rules he wanted me to apply to the tapes, they were not his property to negotiate with. He scratched two of the discs and returned the rest and ran off extremely upset that he had no control over the situation.
I took a deep breath and realized I could continue several ways. I knew how easy it would be to replace the discs, and I thought about how hard it is to recover from these confrontations and to use them as lessons to learn from. I decided to take the highroad, and tell him that this was a major step he had taken on the road of maturity. I told him I knew that he could have ruined all the tapes but he controlled his impulses and returned the box undamaged. I told him that it took a lot of strength to reach inside himself and realize that what he was doing was wrong after having scratched two, which made him stop. He had put into action his own understanding of right and wrong, and I was proud of him.
Of course, he will replace the two discs that he scratched. He will go to the post office and mail them off and the money to pay for them will come off his point chart (see On Money). He also agreed to videotape a picnic we are having tonight to create a new memory, as that’s what I normally do - and he doesn’t even have to be in it !
Good luck teaching impulse control by controlling your own impulses!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
On Choices
I made the choice to allow my son to tell me I can not see his play ! He needs control! Its his play and though I support all that he does, you have to choose your battles and give some power away !
He had a very physical altercation with one of his brothers and as I punished him I told him I would do the same if anyone ever punched him !
So I was upset when I left the school, he saw that I was but I am stronger and wiser and we are closer in our ability to respect each others positions....even if not in agreement.
I WROTE:
NO WAY, NO PLAY
You took the control back
and thats ok
Even if I didnt want it that way
So what, there were tears
I have real feelings
I have real fears
No one has the right to punch you
Even if playful
Even in Jest
I will also protect you as I protect the rest
But your Strong and you are Wise
and you are put to the test
I already know your a STAR
without hearing a line
I forsake my own needs
To know that your fine !
He had a very physical altercation with one of his brothers and as I punished him I told him I would do the same if anyone ever punched him !
So I was upset when I left the school, he saw that I was but I am stronger and wiser and we are closer in our ability to respect each others positions....even if not in agreement.
I WROTE:
NO WAY, NO PLAY
You took the control back
and thats ok
Even if I didnt want it that way
So what, there were tears
I have real feelings
I have real fears
No one has the right to punch you
Even if playful
Even in Jest
I will also protect you as I protect the rest
But your Strong and you are Wise
and you are put to the test
I already know your a STAR
without hearing a line
I forsake my own needs
To know that your fine !
Sunday, May 16, 2010
On Taylor Swift
On Taylor Swift
I have my twelve year old and my six year old on line backstage at the Taylor Swift Concert in Nassau Coliseum. It’s Friday night. Not actually night yet, you see we drove here early for a meet and greet special arrangements. The Traffic leaving Manhattan aged me about a year,
As I wiggled through the traffic, over the Tribourough bridge and down the Grand Central Parkway. One point we didn’t think we would have made the 5:30am strict arrival time for the pass pickup at Will Call.
But we made it, with time to spare as we waited for the special moment to be called into the secret underground worlds of the Superstars!
And there we were, staring at Taylor Swift in a tented room in the basement of the coliseum. There was a Sheet, purple with the Words Fearless Tour, like you see draped along the backgrounds of Red Carpets,
All ready for the photographs to be taken accessed by email.
Our turn came and they motioned for my twelve year old to stand on one side of Taylor Swift and my six year old to stand on the other. The
Moment of truth...or untruth.. when they told us each family was only allowed one picture.
It was my sons dream to be here at the Taylor Swift Concert; already many altercations had taken place about the six year old attending. I understood it already cramped his style, in fear of too many bathroom visits or having to leave early!
Well, some choices are tough ones. The Taylor Swift Staff did not understand the dilemma of my son having a picture with him and his idolized star on his nightstand and he didn’t want his six year old in it!
I let him take the picture on his own, and as I walked away consoling the six year old, a caring soul tapped us and gave her another chance.
Taylor Swift concert was amazing, and being a mom means not always accommodating everyone….but most times it works out!
I have my twelve year old and my six year old on line backstage at the Taylor Swift Concert in Nassau Coliseum. It’s Friday night. Not actually night yet, you see we drove here early for a meet and greet special arrangements. The Traffic leaving Manhattan aged me about a year,
As I wiggled through the traffic, over the Tribourough bridge and down the Grand Central Parkway. One point we didn’t think we would have made the 5:30am strict arrival time for the pass pickup at Will Call.
But we made it, with time to spare as we waited for the special moment to be called into the secret underground worlds of the Superstars!
And there we were, staring at Taylor Swift in a tented room in the basement of the coliseum. There was a Sheet, purple with the Words Fearless Tour, like you see draped along the backgrounds of Red Carpets,
All ready for the photographs to be taken accessed by email.
Our turn came and they motioned for my twelve year old to stand on one side of Taylor Swift and my six year old to stand on the other. The
Moment of truth...or untruth.. when they told us each family was only allowed one picture.
It was my sons dream to be here at the Taylor Swift Concert; already many altercations had taken place about the six year old attending. I understood it already cramped his style, in fear of too many bathroom visits or having to leave early!
Well, some choices are tough ones. The Taylor Swift Staff did not understand the dilemma of my son having a picture with him and his idolized star on his nightstand and he didn’t want his six year old in it!
I let him take the picture on his own, and as I walked away consoling the six year old, a caring soul tapped us and gave her another chance.
Taylor Swift concert was amazing, and being a mom means not always accommodating everyone….but most times it works out!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
On forgiveness
“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.”
- George Gerbert
As I read this quote, I think about the fact that every day in my life I need to forgive something said or done to either me, the things I care about, or one of my children. I think of other people in my life who must forgive - perhaps a child must forgive another child - and over and over again I realize what a huge part forgiveness plays in the trials and tribulations of raising six children.
“He spilt his drink all over my place!” Of course it was an accident, but recovery from cleaning the dripping puddle that is inching towards another child’s lap, and returning back to a civilized dinner is not easy for a large family when all is said and done! But true forgiveness is undoubtedly a work in progress. My son won’t let me watch his football games, but I’m still his mom and I don’t stop asking, “what can I do for you to help you today.”
I teach forgiveness as an expression of unconditional love. ‘You, my son, don’t have to let me watch your football games. You’re my son I forgive you for this behaviour because you don’t know that it hurts my feelings not be to part of your football games. I understand your need to have power over some things, and I am still here to help you and love you. And when football gets tough, I hope you come to me so I can help you and love you and give you confidence to get back out there.’
‘You need printer ink. Of course it will be waiting for you so you can do your homework. Because I want to help you even if you don’t want me to watch you play football! I want you to be successful in doing your homework. You are still very young and don’t have the means to take care of everything yourself.’
What can you forgive today?
- George Gerbert
As I read this quote, I think about the fact that every day in my life I need to forgive something said or done to either me, the things I care about, or one of my children. I think of other people in my life who must forgive - perhaps a child must forgive another child - and over and over again I realize what a huge part forgiveness plays in the trials and tribulations of raising six children.
“He spilt his drink all over my place!” Of course it was an accident, but recovery from cleaning the dripping puddle that is inching towards another child’s lap, and returning back to a civilized dinner is not easy for a large family when all is said and done! But true forgiveness is undoubtedly a work in progress. My son won’t let me watch his football games, but I’m still his mom and I don’t stop asking, “what can I do for you to help you today.”
I teach forgiveness as an expression of unconditional love. ‘You, my son, don’t have to let me watch your football games. You’re my son I forgive you for this behaviour because you don’t know that it hurts my feelings not be to part of your football games. I understand your need to have power over some things, and I am still here to help you and love you. And when football gets tough, I hope you come to me so I can help you and love you and give you confidence to get back out there.’
‘You need printer ink. Of course it will be waiting for you so you can do your homework. Because I want to help you even if you don’t want me to watch you play football! I want you to be successful in doing your homework. You are still very young and don’t have the means to take care of everything yourself.’
What can you forgive today?
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
on efficiency
On efficiency
Raising Children in one thing! Being efficient and raising a family, caring for a house!
To me efficiency means doing the most amount of things with the least amount of money so that I am able to do more things !
I can hire someone to come to my house and fix my dryer. They will charge me about $250.00 or I can take a screwdryer and open a panel that will lead me to see that the large grey hose is blowing into the room, the room is sweaty ! I tape the grey ‘duct with duct tape’ reattach the hose to the obvious place it fell from and Tada! I don’t tell anyone I did this, I did it…because I DO IT and so can you.
Its really unbelievable the amout of things you can just DO!
I was on spring break, I went into a Target and there was a table of $1.00 red and blue shirts. My mind was swimming with all the ideas for all the ways I can use these shirts. My four year old has a sports team in the park every week, I can hand them out to every child, they could emblazon them with their names feel like a team when playing their sports. I have a picnic coming up, maybe the younger volunteers can write our school name of them and all wear them identifying them as helpers. I have a birthday party coming up. I can set up a decorate a shirt table,with bags and that can be their goodie bag gift !
Part of being efficient, is thinking about not just what you can do, or what you can save, but how you can give. That makes it must a bit more fun !
The other day I had $200.00 in my pocket and a list of various cleaning supplies and laundry supplies that needed to be replenished! I couldn’t even purchase them……with the $200.00 I had. I gave the
Money to someone who comes to my house to clean who lives near the 99 cents store. At this store all the cleaning supplies are 99 cents. The silver polishes, the countertop sprays. The Green Windex cleaner all the scrubs, all the shouts, the downies, the swifter refills. She took a taxi straight to my house with the packages, we all helped unload ! …. With the change I was so happy to help her get a new pair of sneakers and buy FLOWERS for my house.
Flowers….which I purchase at the local deli’s for a $10.00 bunch of flowers and I add another $10.00
Of greens which are purchased as $2.00 a bunch of greens times 5 green arrangements! They make a grand centerpiece when added to the $10.00 bunch of assorted cut flowers!
There are endless ways to be efficient, to spend money wisely, no matter how much you have !
Raising Children in one thing! Being efficient and raising a family, caring for a house!
To me efficiency means doing the most amount of things with the least amount of money so that I am able to do more things !
I can hire someone to come to my house and fix my dryer. They will charge me about $250.00 or I can take a screwdryer and open a panel that will lead me to see that the large grey hose is blowing into the room, the room is sweaty ! I tape the grey ‘duct with duct tape’ reattach the hose to the obvious place it fell from and Tada! I don’t tell anyone I did this, I did it…because I DO IT and so can you.
Its really unbelievable the amout of things you can just DO!
I was on spring break, I went into a Target and there was a table of $1.00 red and blue shirts. My mind was swimming with all the ideas for all the ways I can use these shirts. My four year old has a sports team in the park every week, I can hand them out to every child, they could emblazon them with their names feel like a team when playing their sports. I have a picnic coming up, maybe the younger volunteers can write our school name of them and all wear them identifying them as helpers. I have a birthday party coming up. I can set up a decorate a shirt table,with bags and that can be their goodie bag gift !
Part of being efficient, is thinking about not just what you can do, or what you can save, but how you can give. That makes it must a bit more fun !
The other day I had $200.00 in my pocket and a list of various cleaning supplies and laundry supplies that needed to be replenished! I couldn’t even purchase them……with the $200.00 I had. I gave the
Money to someone who comes to my house to clean who lives near the 99 cents store. At this store all the cleaning supplies are 99 cents. The silver polishes, the countertop sprays. The Green Windex cleaner all the scrubs, all the shouts, the downies, the swifter refills. She took a taxi straight to my house with the packages, we all helped unload ! …. With the change I was so happy to help her get a new pair of sneakers and buy FLOWERS for my house.
Flowers….which I purchase at the local deli’s for a $10.00 bunch of flowers and I add another $10.00
Of greens which are purchased as $2.00 a bunch of greens times 5 green arrangements! They make a grand centerpiece when added to the $10.00 bunch of assorted cut flowers!
There are endless ways to be efficient, to spend money wisely, no matter how much you have !
Thursday, April 1, 2010
on Choices
"We are both burdened and blessed by
the great responsibility of free will--
the power of choice.
Our future is determined, in large part,
by the choices we make now.
We cannot always control our circumstances,
but we can and do choose
our response to whatever arises.
Reclaiming the power of choice,
we find the courage
to live fully in the world" Dan Millman
It is important to make choices on parenting based upon our childs individual needs.
One of the reason I read so many parenting books is because I have so many children. There is not one right way, though as you read so many books you notice there are a few very important ingredients that lead to successful children.
*A healthy Home, a haven with rules and conscequences
that are clear and understood
*Unconditional Love....."No matter what you do, I will love you"
*Special Time....I will spend time with you, alone, and I will listen
to what you say. I will ask questions and bring your responses up
at a later time to let you know I have heard you, I care about who you
are and what you are saying !
Make good chocies today !!!
the great responsibility of free will--
the power of choice.
Our future is determined, in large part,
by the choices we make now.
We cannot always control our circumstances,
but we can and do choose
our response to whatever arises.
Reclaiming the power of choice,
we find the courage
to live fully in the world" Dan Millman
It is important to make choices on parenting based upon our childs individual needs.
One of the reason I read so many parenting books is because I have so many children. There is not one right way, though as you read so many books you notice there are a few very important ingredients that lead to successful children.
*A healthy Home, a haven with rules and conscequences
that are clear and understood
*Unconditional Love....."No matter what you do, I will love you"
*Special Time....I will spend time with you, alone, and I will listen
to what you say. I will ask questions and bring your responses up
at a later time to let you know I have heard you, I care about who you
are and what you are saying !
Make good chocies today !!!
Friday, March 26, 2010
On Choices II
Heres the plan while we wait for the poll !
I will go to the bank this morning and get $100.00
single dollar bills. I will break the single dollars down into packages of $25.00. Everytime I pay for something I will have the 13 year old or the 10 year old pay the first TWENTY FIVE dollars out so while counting the money to pay for something.....they can see it takes a while to count out $25.00.
Today when we finish Breakfast at Denny's and the bill is $25.00
I will make sure they pay for the bill completely.
Tonight we are going Dog Sledding and its $25.00 per person to hold the reins. I will make sure both the 13 and 10 year old know the value of $25.00
If they reimburse it I know it will also teach them the value for working hard for their money their earn on their point charts and making good decisions with saving it and spending it
I also know my words have more weight for them to hear my lessons if I do not make them reimburse it but express my reasonings
that I want them to value money as they will soon be responsible for their own well beings and this value will become something they want to take with them on their journey.
I will go to the bank this morning and get $100.00
single dollar bills. I will break the single dollars down into packages of $25.00. Everytime I pay for something I will have the 13 year old or the 10 year old pay the first TWENTY FIVE dollars out so while counting the money to pay for something.....they can see it takes a while to count out $25.00.
Today when we finish Breakfast at Denny's and the bill is $25.00
I will make sure they pay for the bill completely.
Tonight we are going Dog Sledding and its $25.00 per person to hold the reins. I will make sure both the 13 and 10 year old know the value of $25.00
If they reimburse it I know it will also teach them the value for working hard for their money their earn on their point charts and making good decisions with saving it and spending it
I also know my words have more weight for them to hear my lessons if I do not make them reimburse it but express my reasonings
that I want them to value money as they will soon be responsible for their own well beings and this value will become something they want to take with them on their journey.
On Choices
The 13 Year old and the 10 Year old are flying to meet you on your
Spring Break Vacation.They could not miss any days of school and you left a few days early with the younger children.
You have shipped all the luggage in advance.
The children have around their necks ID pouches with a copy of their Passports, $50.00 cash each for food and emergency and a copy of their tickets and Boarding Passes.
They are brought to the airport directly from school with their backpacks and are clear that their mother will meet them on the other side of their direct flight.
They both have cell phones.
Now when they check in they decide to spend $25.00 each and check their backpacks instead of carrying them to the gate. That leaves them with $50.00 for food and drinks. They board the plane with $10.00 remaining for emergency.
Spring Break Vacation.They could not miss any days of school and you left a few days early with the younger children.
You have shipped all the luggage in advance.
The children have around their necks ID pouches with a copy of their Passports, $50.00 cash each for food and emergency and a copy of their tickets and Boarding Passes.
They are brought to the airport directly from school with their backpacks and are clear that their mother will meet them on the other side of their direct flight.
They both have cell phones.
Now when they check in they decide to spend $25.00 each and check their backpacks instead of carrying them to the gate. That leaves them with $50.00 for food and drinks. They board the plane with $10.00 remaining for emergency.
I NEED YOUR HELP. The question is not just should they have checked the backpacks, its should they have used $50.00 which is a lot of money for the convenience of not carrying their school backpacks to the gate. Basically they were travelling on their own so should this be a good time to teach a lesson or should I just be happy that they arrived safe.
Answer the poll below on whether or not they should be responsible for the $25.00 each for checking their backpacks or carrying them to the gate.
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